A concept developed by the late psychologist Carl Rogers back in the 1960's, unconditional positive regard is to accept and respect others without judgement and I would argue a determining factor in the relationship building process. It is a key element of our work as therapists, both 'in the office' and out in the bush on our adventure therapy programs. 

As Will recently mentioned in a previous blogpost, 'unconditional positive regard and genuine warmth are the best relationship building tools we have.' Research strongly supports that relationship factors between the worker and client make up to 30% of the key elements for positive outcomes. Studies also suggest that a huge number of people report positive outcomes simply from just attending therapy, regardless of what approach the therapist takes - people feel better seeing a therapist, than not. 

To me, this suggests that simply having someone to talk to, feel comfortable with, and to sit in a non judgemental space is beneficial; developing a relationship with the person providing this is therapeutic in itself. 

 In the field, we live with our participants - so we have time. More time than most.  And generally what we find, is that after perhaps some boundary testing, young people often realise that they cannot push us away. We accept their thoughts and values, even if different from our own. 

And so they're somewhat forced to sit uncomfortably sometimes. As it can be a strange feeling to have someone share your space, even when you feel at your worst - the compassionate and caring relationship actually invites young people to reflect and inquire about their troubles. 

I believe providing this unconditional positive regard through relationship building with clients, is how we attempt to move away from these self destructing patterns, and begin finding positive ones.

Emily Scott
emily@truenorthexpeditions.com.au

Sarah, a 14 year old from Sydney, came to True North Expeditions in late 2014 after her parents became worried about her self-harming behaviours of cutting and smoking cigarettes with a negative influencing group of friends. Although she did not wish to attend the adventure program she agreed to go just to “get her mum off her back.”

In the first few days of the program, the group hiked through the rugged mountains of the Flinders Ranges. Sarah struggled to get along with the other girls and didn’t see a point to the program. She cried at night saying that she wished her life hadn’t come to this point and that she missed her family at home. 

After the third night of the program, Sarah woke to say she had just had the best sleep since she could remember. She felt more energised and said that she hadn’t felt this alive since she’s been feeling numb for over a year. She sat with Emily, one of program leaders, on the side of a mountain and they talked. Laughing and drawing in their journals, they spoke of her strengths and ways she could use them to overcome adversity and build resilience. The practiced new ways to self-regulate and stay calm and clear. 

Much of our program’s philosophy comes from the work of Dr Bruce Perry and his experience in working with traumatised children across America. Dr Perry’s research on the brain has led to remarkable breakthroughs for educators, psychologists and anyone providing helping services to children and families. The real breakthrough is his work in using literature on the brain’s development to tailor-fit interventions that really help children and adolescents grow.

Important to this process is the Three R’s, or Regulate, Relate, Reason. A lot of us think that we should “Relate” with children before we attempt to regulate difficult emotions. There are also times where we try to “Reason” with them creating a battle of wills where we may yell, command or punish. However, research has indicated that children who are stressed and anxious struggle to use the parts of their brain that allow for strong relationships and rational reasoning.

So our first step, before relationships or therapy can occur, is to help our children to feel calm and regulated. Being a relationship-focused program, our practitioners focus heavily on relationships that are built on genuine trust and mutual respect, not authority or teaching. Although Dr Perry’s research is fairly modern, Carl Rogers has been saying this since the 1960s. Unconditional positive regard and genuine warmth are the best relationship building tools we have. And a nurturing environment helps children to stay regulated.

There are no bad kids that need fixing or children that are just a diagnosis or effected by this trauma or that. There is a person that we can help but only if we are connected. This is where the reasoning comes in.

Some participants struggle to adapt to life in the bush during one of our 14-day adventure therapy programs. Instead of letting them suffer, as some programs do,  science tells us that we need to help them become calm and clear. It is only at this time that true psychotherapy begins.

 

 

  

Last week a new client came to our practice to work individually with me. He has struggled academically and has regular fights at home. For him, and his parents, this felt like any ordinary appointment that they had become so used to after spending the last few years scanning for the perfect professional to help bring more happiness and togetherness into their home.

I introduced myself to the 14 year old and brought him back, with his parents, into my small counselling office. I told the boy that I wanted to get an idea of how he was feeling about certain things in life and gave him a short four-question survey to rate how he is feeling individually, about home and how he feels about school.

I let him know that if I was going to do anything during our time together that I just wanted to be useful. I let him know that if I did things that didn’t work, felt uncomfortable or seemed to not fit that he could tell me so that I did not do “more of the same”. I asked him to tell me what other counsellors or psychologists had done that may have been annoying or maybe just didn’t work so that I could avoid them.

After his parents left, we talked about how things were going at home. He talked about fights, getting in trouble and wishing that there would be less conflict. We talked about ideas of what to do but he felt that these conflicts were out of his control. He said he wanted to feel less anxious about social situations, more independent and less depressed.

As our initial session came to an end I gave him another short questionnaire to provide a rating for how he viewed me and our time together. When asked if he felt listened to he rated me a 7.42 out of 10. Although a rating is just a rating and may not mean much, when I reached out to his parents to schedule our second session they reported feeling more hopeful than ever. That in the car after our first session he talked about feeling safe, listened to and that there is a connection that has not been present before.

We had our second session this week. He scored me a 9 of 10 on listening. Things are improving. I asked him why he scored that and he reported that it makes him feel as though he is the centre of attention while we are together and that there is no issue that should not be discussed.

One of our biggest theories in working with people, whether its those who have never been to a helping professional or seasoned therapy veterans, is that we need to create a relationship that is open to honest feedback. If we are doing something that is not useful to the child or family then there is little point in doing it. It will not be helpful.

To be useful, we need to allow our clients to be the best judge of the experience and allow our time together to be as meaningful as possible. This is when people begin to feel confident enough to change and build a higher quality of life. 

As traditional therapy goes, a client comes to our office, sits and talks about some of the areas in life that they would like to improve. For children and teenagers specifically, this could be conflict in the family, school difficulties or feelings of depression and anxiety. For the one-hour session, the client may learn new strategies for handling their difficulties or spend time finding out why certain patterns have emerged. A plan would then be created for how the client can best manage their life for the next seven days until they return for next week’s session. The important message here is that the most important changes occur outside of the therapist’s office!  

One of the reasons we use Adventure Therapy or Experiential Therapy techniques with our clients is to make our office as important of a time for their growth as necessary. The difference is that instead of talking about what changes we will make and doing the changes.

Research has suggested that the repetition of desired outcomes is important for long-term change. Giving adolescents the chance to act out their desired change may be a key to success. It may also be an effective alternative for those that have been to see traditional therapists without much gain.

During our expeditions we see many students struggling with family life at home. Their behaviours have gotten worse and the atmosphere at home is restless. While in the bush, our groups need to function like a team to practice survival and accomplish group tasks. For the adolescent that struggles in this area at home, he or she is given a time where they can operate as a team with the support of helping professionals. Instead of talking about teamwork, empathy or responsibilities, we are doing all these things and helping the participant to reflect and review on how they went during each initiative.

Because of the nurturing environment and genuine relationships built during our program, our students feel comfortable reflecting on how they have done with each experience and build more insights that could help them to become successful. Upon returning home, we continue supporting the adolescent and keep this feedback going. Each time the adolescent is successful, out of the office, the better chance we have for them to be successful again. In this light, we actually learn more from our successes than our failures.